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Ask Amy: Parents plan to punish for piercing

Dear Amy: My husband and I are raising four children.

For many years we had a rule for piercing.

Our daughters had to wait until the age of twelve to break their ears. 19659002] We felt that this was an age in which they had a certain responsibility for the care of their ears. Each of our daughters has decided to pierce their ears.

Our 19-year-old daughter wants a second piercing.

I was sort of OK, but my husband was not.

She admitted that this piercing is just a start and there will be others.

This tactic has upset me because I'm not a fan of a lot of piercing.

I sold Hep C and I know that the dangerous piercing still bears risks. 1

9659002] Our daughter is trained to be a nurse and, frankly, I think the many piercings are unprofessional.

Is it wrong to say that when she moves and supports, she can do whatever she wants, but while she lives at home, would we be happy to respect her?

– Concerned Parents

Dear Concern: When your daughter lives at home, you and your husband can put whatever restrictions you want … you do not mind giving it away while she is with you , you will control her choices related to her

It does not seem to me that this is a positive message that should be sent to a young woman. Your focus on these limitations may be one of the reasons why your daughter wants to get them to push them.

The advantage of piercing over tattoos, for example, is that they are relatively easy to reverse. The Young Women's Health Center (youngwomenshealth.org) has a comprehensive list of possible medical complications associated with piercing. I suggest that you and your daughter review this information together when you discuss this

Your daughter is trained to be a nurse. As she matures she will understand the professional limitations imposed by piercing and then choose to keep or remove them based on her goals.

Dear Amy: I have a best friend. I also have a friend. My friend is studying in a town about 2,000 miles. He visits and stays with me every summer.

He sometimes says things that sound as if they think I'm defining my relationship with my BFF over it.

I see my boyfriend for breakfast once a week (we both work a lot) and when my friend visits my friend and I still have a weekly breakfast but a shorter version.

My best friend is married to a person who lives with her all year round, and I understand that my man now has about four months a year to spend with me so the time is a bit short.

I factor this constraint in my snacks with my friend, but it's literally saved my life (or at least my common sense) many times, and keeping friendship

Is there a way I can prove to my friend that I appreciate our relationship and I perceive it very seriously without feeling like I am a complete friend who really means me?

Dear friends: Your question talks to me because (unless it is so) I'm traveling to the same group of women at a local breakfast dinner every Wednesday morning for the past 30 years.

If you work hard and have an active home life, this breakfast meeting may be the only time you have to put your own life in perspective by telling your story. This weekly experience recharges and refreshes you.

In your view, you're already making concessions to your boyfriend by cutting back on breakfast.

If he's so empty in the summer he's worried about you, spending about 90 minutes each week with a friend, then maybe he's going to be heavier.

If he questions your right – and necessity – to do so, then you can ask him to choose for you: You can meet your friend once a week or log in

Dear Amy: One reader asked how to react when he offered him a dish he does not like. My answer is: "Wow, that's very interesting!" People rarely push for details. Can be used in situations like ugly children, pets, photos of last vacations, weird clothes, and more. Work for me!

– Merry Joe in Or-lan-do

Dear Joey Joe: This phrase. It is also used for me. [19659902] (You can contact Amy Dickinson by e-mail: askamy@amydickinson.com Readers can mail to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow it on Twitter @askingamy or "like" on Facebook.)


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