Depression should not destroy you or your marriage!
If you are wondering how to save your marriage when your husband has depression, you are not alone. Have you ever felt the emotionally paralyzing effect of depression? Did you find yourself in a black hole and wondered how you could make it? Do you suffer silently alone, unable to open up with your partner for your pain?
The untreated symptoms of depression – whether you or your spouse who is depressed – is dangerous for you and your marriage. But this is not a must.
Understanding how to deal with depression in marriage is crucial to both your health and your relationship.
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What Is Depression? The National Institute of Mental Health defines it as "a mood disorder that causes alarming symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and deal with everyday activities such as sleep, nutrition or work." in a black hole of hopelessness. And it's not unusual for partners to turn to each other because they do not understand what's going on.
A depressed person often feels alone and unsupported. Their depressed mood can make the partner feel life-robbed. A partner who does not understand the signs of depression can be disappointed or angry when the depressed person expresses his feelings. Loss of energy caused by depression may seem like laziness. Negative emotions may seem exaggerated. It may be difficult to understand or have patience for the feelings of your depressed partner.
Emotions make no sense.
You can tell your partner that their emotions do not make sense. That the life you both have is not so difficult. You may begin to say that your partner is just lazy and needs to get together and gather it together. To be upset with your partner to fight negative thoughts and sad emotions can worsen depression.
In good marriage, coping with depression is important, both individually and together. Individually each of you has a role not to let depression take over. And there is a way to work together to prevent depression from destroying the love you have for each other.
So, where do we start? There are some practical ways you can work both individually and together to prevent depression from breaking your relationship.
Here are 8 ways to deal with depression in marriage when you have a depressed husband.
. Learn The Causes Of Depression
Depression has many reasons. This is the most common mental disorder. About 6.7% of Americans report having at least one episode of depression. Women are depressed twice as often as men
Your partner may have a genetic predisposition to depression. It is also found that stress activates depression. Unauthorized grief can cause depression. Hormonal changes caused by pregnancy can cause depression. Thyroid problems and other types of physical problems can cause depression. Various medicines, such as birth control pills, can cause depression.
You are not bad.
Depression is an inverse internal disorder. Often the anger and the pain behave inside and are often directed back to themselves. As a depressed person, you may have a lot of shame about feeling as bad as you, as if for no reason. This may make it difficult for you to find out how bad you feel about things that would not bother others.
As you can see, there are many pieces of the puzzle for depression to be understood. Investigating these causes with the help of a doctor can help you and your relationships.
The couples who successfully manage the stormy waters of depression learn how not to make a problem. Reminding your partner that you understand and do not blame him or her for depression can be very helpful.
The National Institutes of Health may be a good place to start learning more about depression.
2. Obtaining Individual and / or Pair Therapy
Finding an individual therapist who has experience in treating depression is a big first step. Make sure you have interviewed the therapists you are considering. You want to make sure you feel good. A good therapeutic relationship is key to your treatment.
It is often difficult to get rid of depression without professional help. An experienced therapist can help you identify self-destructive thought patterns. Your therapist can also provide you with encouragement that you need to make social connections and not isolate yourself.
When do you get professional help?
If your relationship breaks down, you should get help from a pair therapist. They will help you learn how to deal with depression in marriage. A qualified emotionally focused therapist can help you talk to each other to avoid negative cyclical arguments, restore the link trauma, and deepen your relationship with affection. They are biologically linked to turn to each other for emotional support when they fight. This is why depression can affect the relationship.
A depressed person's negative view of everything can cause fear for the partner. Fear can be expressed in the form of judgments or harsh corrections. And, of course, it will make the depressed person feel worse.
Pair therapy can help the couple escape the game of guilt. This will help them work together to overcome depression, which can destroy the intimacy and functionality of the relationship. You will need to learn how to support, not judge the depressed person.
3. Learn how to support – do not judge – yourself or your depressed partner
Your depressed partner deeply needs your compassion rather than your appreciation.
When the depression hugs you, your partner will need to be a safe person, one who can compassionately support you to find a way out of the darkness. the moods you are trying to escape. It is often difficult to open.
Depression makes you afraid that you are inadequate in your relationship. When you take the risk of sharing with your partner, it is devastating to hear that you are not enough. Your partner's judgment is like pouring gasoline into the fire of your depression.
The last thing a depressed person needs is feeling condemned or reprimanded by the person he or she loves the most. This can aggravate depression and rupture your relationship.
Depression can kidnap both of you. There is no doubt that depression is difficult for you and can pull the link down. You will have the intention of encouraging your partner, not judging, so that this will not happen. Your partner needs to know that you believe in him and that he has a way out of the dark days.
When you understand that depression, not laziness or lack of intent, exhausts your partner's life, it will be easier not to sue. Understanding the basics of why people are depressed can help you be more supportive and less condemning
Do not forget to learn how to deal with depression in marriage is a process that will take time, patience and understanding.
4. Escape from the shadow of shame with self-suffering and loving kindness
Shame is the feeling that you are defective or not good enough to be loved by others. Depression can certainly fuel the human tendency to live in shame. Each of us is struggling with something. Dealing with depression does not make you less or worse than anyone else.
Meditation for self-esteem is one of the best ways to overcome shame. And this is an important part of knowing how to deal with depression in marriage.
The spending of at least 15 minutes of daily self-healing meditation proved to be a useful way to avoid a spiral of shame.
For those who live with a depressed partner, it may be useful to spend 15 minutes a day, practicing meditation with loving kindness
5. Accept antidepressants when advised
Knowing how to deal with depression in marriage means understanding the treatment options. The therapist may recommend you to visit a psychiatrist to rate an antidepressant
There are many different types of depression. In most cases, moderate to severe depression will change your body's chemistry. Problems with sleep, appetite, energy, concentration and memory are caused by the biological changes that produce depression. Antidepressant medications can help your body improve the availability of serotonin and norepinephrine, chemicals that are often depleted during major depression. Most studies have shown that psychotherapy and medication together are the most powerful form of treatment for moderate to severe depression. Are you afraid to take medicines for depression? Many people are.
One of the biggest mistakes about taking antidepressants is the fear that they are addictive. Antidepressants are not addictive . They do not make you high. They will help you feel less depressed by restoring your normal neurotransmitter balance. Your psychiatrist will help you understand what kind of antidepressant you need and how long you need to take it
Knowing how to deal with depression in marriage is to understand what your partner feels and how. A healthy relationship requires an emotional connection. This can be even more important in days when it feels like depression. When the dark cloud of depression turns, it will take a little more empathy to stay connected.
This does not mean that the world stops spinning until depression rises. This means that it is important for you and your partner to stay up to what happens to the other. When you stay consistent with each other, you will be able to overcome every storm.
You will do well to know when to approach and when to give space. With great setup you will learn to dance along with depression. You will understand what others need in order to be well. It is important to understand the difference between giving your partner the necessary space and withdrawing.
Learning to stay connected even when you are physically separated is the place where magic is.
Learn to confirm your mutual feelings
The ability to understand is one. But that does not stop there. Each of you will have to "give value" to the feelings of others. This can be difficult when you and your partner feel two different things. Its deep sadness and fear of rejection may seem totally irrational. You did nothing to contribute to it. May make you feel angry.
Can sadness and anger exist in the same room? Yes, sometimes I will. Are your partner's feelings more important than yours? Absolutely not. What we feel is real, whether rational or not.
My wife is afraid of the birds. Seriously, "hit the deck and cover up" fear. It really seems to me a little irrational. But sharing the study of the impossibility of being moaned by a deadly bird will definitely not be useful during her moment of fear, I can help her overcome the moment by protecting her from the storm. And I will share the study, little by little, once again on hard ground.
8. Always enjoy the good days. Positive experience can make you more resistant to depression. So absolutely enjoy the good days. Build your resistance so you do not get out of the hole. The Mayo clinic staff offers you to do something everyday, giving you a sense of purpose. This may seem difficult, but give your best shot. Try to set goals that will help you look at the future in a meaningful way. Tomorrow will come soon. I hope this is another great day.
This is feasible.
I do not want to minimize the challenge of depression. To learn how to cope with depression in marriage so as not to tear you will take you both. This is a challenge, but it is absolutely feasible.
A strong emotional relationship is the foundation on which you will have to build. And with that on the spot and the right help, you can and will learn to navigate these waters. ] Michael W. Reggier, Ph.D., is a highly qualified and experienced clinical psychologist and certified emotional therapist in Visalia and San Luis Obispo, California. It helps people and couples orient themselves in the challenges of depression in the context of the relationship.
This article was first published by michaelregier.com. Reprinted with permission by the author.