Dear AMY: Is my wife looking for ex-boyfriends on Facebook? And am I wrong to ask her to stop?
When I asked her to stop doing this, she said, "I'm not going to stop. I would not cheat.
I find it disrespectful that she does this. I also think her answer is disrespectful.
Am I too morally rigid? Am I just jealous? Or should I find someone else who is on the same page as me?
Problem in social media
PIPE CONSIDERED: Facebook seems specifically suited to search for exe. Don't they all do this?
Context is important. Does your wife make any benign vigilance and gloating? Or is she connecting and communicating with her exes? There is a big difference.
I agree that "I will not stop. I wouldn't cheat "is not a great answer. Her choice to cheat is quite exciting. But then again, this is your knee-jerk response, maybe find another partner.
The two of you are obviously at a standstill in the relationship. I suspect this waste on social media is a symptom rather than a cause. I hope you can figure it out.
Dear AMY: My family tries to be close, but when it comes to me (my youngest) and my oldest sister (eight years older) – we just don't
] Although we were born of the same people and grew up in the same household, we have many different views, opinions and beliefs about just about everything.
I don't remember having a good relationship as children; she was always yelling at me or angry.
I was always closer to our brother (middle child), who played with me and left me with him and his friends.
My sister never seemed to be interested in being close, even though we had moments to get along.
As an adult, this feels unchanged and tense; she made it clear that she did not approve of my career, school, spiritual beliefs, and was openly skeptical of my marriage (until the ceremony) because my husband was older than I was.
She always talked to me, and once out loud said that she could not respect me as an adult. It hurts more than it will ever know.
She seems to believe that I don't want to be her sister, when in reality I just don't want to be around someone who makes me go for egg shells. My parents would like to get along, but I can no longer force myself to pretend.
I will be civil, but I do not feel that we can be regular friends.
Is that terrible to me? Do I have to keep trying? I just don't see the point.
The youngest of three
DEAR YOUNG PEOPLE: One of the most challenging aspects of the brothers relationship is the struggle to cope with less-than-ideal dynamics. We all have this idea that siblings should be best friends, but often it doesn't work out that way.
The fact is that you and your sister are NOT raised in the same household with the same parents. By the time you arrived, your parents were eight years older and had two more children. Your parents are more likely to have raised you much differently than their older children.
It is also likely that your older sister actually helped raise you. She just didn't get the mention that it was time to stop.
I interpret some of the behavior that you describe as stereotypical things about the "oldest child". She cannot respect you as an adult because, according to her, you will always be the baby of the family.
Insights into the dynamics created by birth are NOT going to help you get along better with your sister – but it can help you see some of her behavior in a new way, This insight should help you you do.
Read: The Book of the Birth Commandment: Why You Are the Way You Are, by Kevin Lehman (2015, Revell). Dr. Lehman's book is a great first look at the fascinating subject of birth order.
MESSAGE AMY: Fighting said it doesn't want
Why do you always insist that politically conservative people are "boorish"? I'm so tired of this consistent bias in your column.
RESPECT: I came across many left-wing people who are closed-minded, reactionary and boorish, and in my column we solved issues related to the same.
In this case, I described the behavior as "insolent" because "Aspiration" referred to this relative as "insulting thug".
You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.