With Week 9 of us, that means we're already officially more than halfway through the 2019 NFL season, which is currently the perfect time to give away some mid-season awards.
Quite ironically, I actually hate to give away prizes, so I'll give just one and that prize goes to all the creative people who turned their Antonio Brown T-shirts into the obligatory Halloween costume of 2019: Antonio Clown .
If you have Antonio Brown clown makeup and a T-shirt, then you can be "Antonio Clown" for Halloween, and chances are you'll steal the show wherever you go.
I can't say if this man's legs froze under his clown shoes, but he definitely gets bonus points, if any.
Speaking of clowns, I promise not to clown in my photos this week. In fact, we all know that is not true. There will probably be at least three choices this week that will make you think I left the clown to make them, but I promise you I didn't, and to prove it, let's get to the picks.
In fact, before we get to the election, here's a quick reminder that you can check the weekly pics from any NBS expert on CBSSports.com by clicking here, but you probably already knew this because I mention it all the time. Something else I mention all the time is the fact that you can now find me regularly on Pick Six Podcast, which is our daily NFL podcast here at CBSSports.com.
Will Brinson hosted and for some reason he let me join him three days a week. My own family can't even handle the boys three days a week, so I'm not quite sure how Brinson does.
Although I'm only three days a week, there is a new episode every day Monday through Friday and you should try to listen as often as possible. On Tuesday's episode, we talked about the Dolphins-Steelers game and also talked about who has the best chance of winning any division at this point in the season. One thing we didn't do was choose Halloween costumes for each other, which is too bad because I would definitely tell Brinson to be Antonio Clown. (You can listen to the episode from Tuesday below, and be sure to click here to check it out and subscribe).
By the way, if you're wondering what I'm going to be for Halloween, I'll probably go as Santa, which is not really a costume, but I give out White Nails for free to all parents who go around your kids around. I feel like people will enjoy it. Let's get to the units.
NFL Selection Week 9
Houston (5-3) vs. Jacksonville (4-4) in London
9:30 a.m. ET (NFL Network)
Spread Points: Texas , – 1.5
Two years ago, I promised never to complain again at 9:30 kicks, but I have to break that promise because I'm going to a wedding this weekend and, frankly, I have no idea how to wake up in time for bounce. I hate the games at 9:30 am and I hate them even more when they start at 8:30 am, as they do for me in the central time zone. I have been to many weddings throughout my life and rarely got up until 8:30 the next day.
The way I see it, if I want to watch this game, I feel like I have three options:
- Option one: Skip the wedding that I don't think my wife would be happy with her sister is getting married.
- Option Two: Go to the wedding, but fall asleep at a reasonable time, although I think we can probably remove this option, since no one in the history of weddings has gone to bed within a reasonable time after the wedding.
- Option Three: Go to the wedding, take advantage of the free alcohol and then cross your fingers that I wake up in time for this game that starts at 8:30 am, because, oh yes, I forgot to mentioned that this wedding takes place in the central time zone. And now that I've thought this out loud, it's quite clear that option three is the only viable option. Thanks for talking to me, guys.
However, it is almost appropriate that I raise free alcohol, because my only rule for choosing games in London is always to choose the Jaguars. The only time this rule does not work is if half the team decides to go out and get drunk while running the $ 64,000 bar the night before the match, which is exactly what happened last year.
This is one way to start an international incident.
In fact, the Jags have won three of their last four games in London, with their only loss coming from a late-night debate last year. Jacksonville and Houston actually played each other in Week 2 in a game where Texans had to win big because Gardener Minshaw was making his first career start. Instead of winning big games, the Texans ended up winning just 13-12 after the Jags failed in a double conversion in the final seconds.
Since that game, Mingsheu has only improved, and the Texas defense has only gotten worse, Houston has not only lost a lot of players in its secondary, but J.J. Wat is also out for a year after breaking his pitch against the Raiders. I think what I'm trying to say here is that this week Minshew Mania will be international. As everyone knows, mustaches are big in London, so there is no choice against the Jaguars on Sunday.
And just for the record, I feel good about that selection, as long as the Jaguars don't get drunk and go to the $ 64,000 bar for the second consecutive year.
Choice: Jaguars 27-24 over Texans
N.J. Jets (1-6) Miami (0-7)
1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Points Distribution: Jets, -5.5
The funny thing about this game is that I have no idea who will play for both teams on Sunday, because there is a 70 percent chance that this or both teams will will finish trading half of their list before the trade deadline hits 4pm ET on Tuesday. The two teams are obviously planning to get involved, and I know this because within about three hours on Monday we saw both the Jets (Leonard Williams) and the Dolphins (Kenyan Drake) trade a distance player.
The problem with these deals on Tuesday is that I'm submitting my pick column on Monday night, which means I won't be able to account for any more deals that either team can make. Of course, the good news for me is that neither team really has any idea what they are doing this season, so I can safely assume that if there are more deals with the Jets or Dolphins this week, they will almost certainly lose those deals and theirs the team will get worse.
One person the Jets won't trade is Sam Darnold, though he probably wants the team to trade him after the month he's had. If you need a quick refresher, here's what Darnold went through in the last four weeks: He injured his thumb, his toenail was removed, he was diagnosed with mono, he had a paranormal experience (he saw ghosts). At this point I feel like Darnold probably just wants the season to end.
As for the Dolphins, I'm not sure that technically qualifies as a revenge game for them because they fired Adam Gus, but I have the feeling that everyone in the Dolphins organization really wants to see him this week, which is almost enough to make me choose the Dolphins. The Dolphins' crazy thing is that they actually beat the Jets in five of the last six games these two teams have played. Also, it could actually qualify as a revenge game for Ryan Fitzpatrick, who played for the Jets in 2015 and 2016. If Fitzpatrick is good at one thing, it's winning games when you least expect it and nobody really don't expect the Dolphins to win any games this year.
Guys, I think I just started talking about choosing an unemployed team to win a game. Please send help.
Choice: Dolphins 20-16 over Jets
Minnesota (6-2) at Kansas City (5-3)
1 p.m. ET (Fox)
Distribution point: NO LINE YET
Probably should start things here by saying that I have no idea if Patrick Mahomes will play this week. Usually, when one's knee cap slides into place, one usually has to sit for a few weeks to be able to heal, but obviously Mahomes's knee is not built like a normal human knee, so there is a chance that he may be able to play this one. week.
My knees are also unique, but only if the fact that they hurt all the time is considered unique. I should probably see a doctor.
If Mahomes fails to play on Sunday, it means that the Chiefs will go with Matt Moore again, which is like going from Ferrari (Mahomes) to a small wheel (Moore). Since I don't know who starts for the Chiefs, the only way to do things this week is to make two choices: one for if Mahames plays, and one for if he doesn't play.
The twist here is that I don't really need to do two picks, since I take on the Vikings too. That's right, Andy Reed, I'm not going to play my smart games, I'm not interested in starting a quarterback, I'm asking against your team, no matter what.
The weird thing about this game is that if I have to deal with any quarterback, probably the one who plays for Minnesota. As you've probably heard at some point in the last few years, Kirk Cousins always seems to lose every time he plays against a winning record and the Chiefs have a winning record (Cousins is 6-27 in in his career against teams with a winning record).
The good news for the Vikings is that cousins may not even have to pass to win. Entering Week 8, the Vikings have the NFL's leading rusher in Dalvin Cook and they also average 160.1 yards per game on the ground, which is the third-highest total in the NFL this year. On the other hand, the superiors failed to stop the run precisely. For eight weeks this season, the Chiefs are giving up 145.0 yards per game on the ground, which is only ahead of the Bengals and Dolphins, which may mean that the Chiefs are actually last because the Bengals and Dolphins were so bad this year, I'm not sure that everything they did should actually count towards something.
Before making my choice here, I would like to point out that the Vikings Chiefs wereand even though I think I was three White Nails when I made that choice, standing next to him. I think the Vikings win this game and then face each other again in the Super Bowl.
The choice (if Mahomes plays): The Vikings 30-27 over leaders
The choice (if Mahomes does not play): The Vikings 30-20 over leaders
New England (8- 0) in Baltimore (5-2)
8:20 PM ET (NBC)
Spread Points: Patriots, -3.5
Although this week the Browns were a gigantic catastrophe, they actually are did something interesting over the weekend: Cleveland may have developed a game plan that could potentially beat the Patriots. In Week 8, the Browns decided to drop the ball down New England's throat and their plan actually worked until Cleveland rushed for 159 yards on 22 carries, an insane average of 7.2 yards per carry. If the Browns were not the Browns, they could have put themselves in a position to bring out the upset, but of course they are the Browns, which is why they didn't win. The Browns literally turned the ball over in three consecutive games against the Patriots, in which Baker Mayfield somehow threw a shovel.
In addition to the turnovers, the Browns are also injured by the fact that Freddie Kitchon looks slightly over his head.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that if you can run on the Patriots, you can beat the Patriots. In their last four road games in which they gave up at least 150 yards rushing, the Patriots went 0-4, and all four of those games went into the season. You can bet John Harbaugh knows this and you can bet on Harbaugh's plans to run the ball 90 times on Sunday.
The X-factor in this game will definitely be Lamar Jackson. Although Bill Belikik and the Patriots have 24 straight wins over defensive tackles under the age of 24 – they are mostly dominated by young backsliders – their last loss came in 2012 against another title quarterback (Colin Kaepernick). You can bet John Harbaugh knows that too. The Ravens will also enter this waiting game, which means Harbaugh has two weeks to work out a game plan to defeat the Patriots. For most coaches, two years probably wouldn't even be enough because Belikik is so much better than anyone, but Harbaugh actually has some success against the Patriots coach.
And what does all this mean? That means for the first time this season I am up against the Patriots. The good news here is that if I am wrong about this one, it will be too much of a wedding hangover to read all the hate tweets that Patriots fans will inevitably send me.
Choice: Raven 23-20 over the Patriots
Lock of the week (or is this the upset of the week?)
San Francisco (7-0) in Arizona (3 -4-1 )
Thursday, 8:20 pm ET (Fox, NFL Network, Amazon Prime)
Spread Points: 49ers, -9.5
Guys, I Won't Lie If There Is One Team In The NFL, which I am absolutely upset about choosing this year is the San Francisco 49ers and the reason I know I sucked is because their fans keep me informed every week. In eight weeks I'm only 2-5 picking 49ers games, which is pretty ugly when you think I'm 77-36-1 picking all the other games. I was thinking of listing all the 49ers games that I have made wrong so far, but this guy on Twitter did it for me, so let's use his list.
This guy even called me a clown. Maybe I should be Antonio Clown for Halloween.
To be honest, the only choice I regret on this list is making Brownie. In Week 1, I chose the 49ers to lose because the start of the week is usually a throw, so I went with the home team (Tampa Bay) and it was a joke because Jameis Winston threw two pick-sixes. In Week 2 I chose them to lose because the Bengals looked better in Week 1 than the 49ers. In Week 6, I chose them to lose against Aries because the 49ers had not played any good yet and I wasn't sure if they were real.
In Week 8, I picked them to lose to the Panthers because I'm still upset that a studio in San Francisco costs about $ 30,000 a year and decided to hold it against the 49ers. I mean that if you don't make the games you choose by penalizing teams to play in a city that has a high cost of living, then you're not doing it right.
So finally I was sold to the 49ers? Well, I was until I saw that BRUCE IRVIN wasn't.
If Erwin thinks they're just OK, then they're just OK.
So who will I choose this week?
Well, the Cardinals have won eight straight games against the 49ers and there is simply no way to choose against that. In fact, I'm just kidding, I just wanted the 49ers fans to think I would choose again against their team. The fact is that the 49ers defense will absorb Kyler Murray and the Cardinals will be lucky to score two touchdowns.
Not only am I picking the 49ers to win this week, but I don't think I'll pick against them again as long as they remain undefeated. For the truth, I decided that the "Lock of the week" section would be renamed the "Why don't I fight the 49ers this week" section and explain every week why I wouldn't fight the 49ers.
This experiment will go one of two ways: Either I'll make all the 49ers choices right because they keep winning, or I'll knock them down and they'll start losing, which really means there's no disadvantage to me here .
Choice: 49ers 27-13 over Cardinals
Lock of the week record: 7-1 straight, 3-5 vs. spread
NFL Week 9: Everyone else
] Bills 24-17 over Red Skins
Bears 19-16 over Eagles
Colts 20-17 over Steelers
Panthers 22-19 over Titans
Abductors 30-23 over Lions
Seahawks 26- 23 over Buccaneers
Browns 20-13 over Broncos
Packers 27-20 over Chargers
Cowboys 34-24 over Giants
BYES: Falcons, Bengals, Rams, Saints  Last week
Best choice: Last week, I predicted the Bearsand will lose chargers and assistance WHAT DO? The Bears scored 16 points and lost to the Chargers. Did I know now that Matt Nagy would totally end the poor coaching match, which would then be followed by a Bers kick who missed a potential field goal? Of course I did. I mean, I literally wrote in my predictions last week that if an NFL team could "outrun" the Charges, it would be the Bears, and that's exactly what happened.
Nagy had to quit after losing or at least quit for a week because of his poor last-minute coaching. Мечките всъщност получиха топката до 21-ярдовата линия на Chargers с оставащи 43 секунди, за да играят в тази игра, като същевременно задържаха едно време. Като се има предвид историята им с ритници, бихте си помислили, че Мечките биха искали да се доближат максимално до полевия опит на Еди Пиниеро, но вместо това Наги накара Мичъл Трубиски да коленичи топката за загуба, след което Пиниеро пропусна полева цел.
Ако се чудите как феновете в Чикаго приеха загубата, добре, таткото на този човек иска да види Трубиски на скамейката и Наги уволнен.
Започвам да мисля, че може би таткото на този човек трябва да бъде генерален мениджър на Мечките.
Най-лошият избор: Така че, момчета, оказва се, че 49ers може всъщност да е добър. Миналата седмица избрах Пантерите, за да ги победя и не само Каролина загуби, но те загубиха с 38 точки, което прави загубата най-големият удар в NFL тази година в игра, която не включва Делфините. Искам да кажа, просто помислете за това: 49-те направиха Пантерите да изглеждат като делфините и дори не съм сигурен дали говоря за футболния отбор или за действителните делфини. Пантерите бяха толкова лоши.
Взех много лоши решения в живота си и избирането на Пантери за победа определено е в челната петица: Това е пред времето, в което ядох фалафели за цяла година, но зад времето, в което се опитах да пиша детска книга за мечка, която изяжда хората. Очевидно децата просто не са готови за месоядни мечка.
И накрая, ако някога сте се чудили дали всъщност знам какво правя с тези снимки, ето как изглеждат най-добрите и най-лошите индивидуални отбори, като се насочват към Седмица 9 (Всички изброени записи са директни).
Екипи, които избирам 8-0 тази година: Патриоти, делфини (7-0)
Екипи, които 7-1 вземам тази година: Соколи, Redskins, Vikings, Packers, Jets (6-1), Lions (5-1-1).
Екип Аз съм 2-5 бране тази година: Buccaneers, 49ers.
Всеки другият екип е някъде между тях.
Право нагоре през седмица 8: 12-3
SU общо: 79-41-1
Срещу разпространение през 8 седмица: 10-5
ATS като цяло: 59-61-1
Можете да намерите Джон Брич във Facebook или Twitter и ако той не прави някой от тези неща, той вероятно е в процес на закупуване на седем нови будилника, за да може да се увери, че всъщност се е събудил достатъчно рано, за да гледа играта в неделя в Лондон.