Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Jan. 2, Jan. 5 and Feb. 27, 2005.
DEAR CAROLYN: I'm friends with someone I've known my whole life; our parents have been friends for years. Just recently, we've become a lot closer.
I know a deep secret about this person's father, and what he did on a vacation that almost ended the marriage. My friend has no idea about it, but I know, and I'm not even supposed to. My parents told me not to tell anyone, but I feel bad holding it back from this person because we are close
I should keep this to myself or be honest, break my parents' trust and tell
Torn Between a Friend and Family
DEAR TORN: You want to unburden yourself, I can sympathize. But you will not accomplish that by burdening your friend. Instead, remember that you were not there on that vacation, so you do not really know what you think you know ̵
In other words, lighten your load by blowing holes in the secret itself. And if your friend busts you for knowing: "I never got the whole story."
DEAR CAROLYN: I really like a guy I really like. We've been seeing each other on and off for a couple of months. Should I ask where this relationship is going or just see where does it take us? I've been raised to believe the guy should bring stuff like that. I am worried that if I say I would like to be exclusive I would scare him off
DEAR C.: I was raised that way too, but then reconditioned to believe that if honesty kills your relationship, then it was already dying of natural causes
"Where is this going?" still lays it on him. (19659003] DEAR CAROLYN: I love my boyfriend with all my heart I love my boyfriend with all my heart ; he's smart, funny and takes great care of me. Like any couple we have our pet peeves, but his not listening to me strains our relationship more than anything
For example, this morning I told him he needed to feed the dog because I had to leave early. On my way out, I once again told him he would need to feed the dog, and he replied that he understood. Four hours later, he asked me if I fed the dog this morning.
It would be one thing if it was every once in a while, but, Carolyn, it's every day. (19659003) My mother used to leave little to-do lists around the house, and I really resented it – like it was her indirectly saying I'm too stupid to remember things. I do not want my boyfriend resenting me for the same thing.
DEAR HUH: Are you editorializing much in your choice
Dear HUH: Are you editorializing much in your choice of adjectives
Well, of course, it's not too much to ask of a perfectly capable adult that he will be personally responsible for the dog.
Just as it was a bit obstinate of your mom to stick to her way (written instructions) when another way (verbal) suited you (19659003) This is also bigger than the dog and written vs. the best of your boyfriend. verbal instructions. You're living with your boyfriend, not a copy of yourself. Any time you can base your expectations on him on who he really is – and when who really does not drive you out of your mind – you will advance the cause of your relationship immensurably. Dear Carolyn: I entered myself and my mother into a drawing. I mentioned this to my mother beforehand and said, "If you win, you have to split it with me," jokingly since I did not expect either of us to win. Well, she did and it's a decent chunk of change.
Now that she's won, she wants to split the money three ways – between her, me and my brother.
DEAR GREEDY: Yes
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