I had very good intentions when I started playing Resident Evil 7 for the first time earlier this year. Resident Evil Village hasn’t been out in months, I told myself. “It’s a 10-hour game, it’s enough time to finish it.” Reader, I haven’t graduated from Resident Evil 7. After I finally beat old Mr. Baker in that claustrophobic basement with the swaying sacks of meat, I left my controller and left. It was a particularly stressful night of dying, chain friction, and more dying, and I needed a break. I intended to return, but recently, when I had an hour or two to decompress a game, I gravitated more often to a quick circle of wonderful Dorfromantik coolness than I experienced through the remaining horrors of Baker̵
However, I finally got back to Resi 7 last night, and as much as I hated the horrible rotting corpses of Bakers Three, I had forgotten the utter horror of Ethan Winters’ crooked arm. Look now if you don’t want to lose your lunch.