قالب وردپرس درنا توس
Home https://server7.kproxy.com/servlet/redirect.srv/sruj/smyrwpoii/p2/ Health https://server7.kproxy.com/servlet/redirect.srv/sruj/smyrwpoii/p2/ Think your parents are outdated? Blame "Inconsistent Goals"

Think your parents are outdated? Blame "Inconsistent Goals"



To what extent do researchers ask middle-aged adults, do your parents neglect suggestions or tips that would make their lives easier or safer?

Ignore your doctors instructions?

Insist on doing things your own way, even if it makes their own or others' lives more difficult, inconvenient or dangerous?

Therefore, several studies conducted by Allison Hyde, a gerontologist consultant at Penn State and Rowan University, measure older children's perceptions of persistence among their aging parents.

This has proven to be a widespread complaint.

In an initial study of 189 adult children and their parents, Dr. Hyde and her colleagues found that 77 percent of children (mean age: 55) reported abusive parenting behavior, ie. at least sometimes.

Laura Perry has watched similar battles. Her mother-in-law, 87, was worried about skin cancer. When she needed to ride to the dermatologist's office, Ms. Perry, who lives nearby in Glastonbury, Cone, was obliged.

During the meeting, she recalled, her father-in-law indicated which skin lesion wanted to be biopsied. The doctor replied that after examining all the lesions of his patient, he would decide which, if any, reasoned examination.

The irritated patient would not delay, so Ms. Perry brought him home without a biopsy. The opposition was repeated three months later. Her father-in-law still wants a biopsy. "I won't pick you up again," Mrs. Perry tells him.

A more social-scientific term for such struggles: inconsistent goals. "If the goal is not shared – the elderly adult wants to go to the store on his own and the child says, 'I don't think it's a good idea' – then conflict can arise," Dr. Hyde explained. [19659002] Such clashes and related reports of persistence are exacerbated when the parent and child live together, she found. Perceived perseverance also increases as parental injury increases.

"When a child enters, there is most often a safety issue," Dr. Hyde said. "The parent may not share these feelings about their abilities."

These familiar, perhaps universal, debates on safety against autonomy have led some critics to objection that older children overestimate previous ones when it matters more to their parents independence and pursue what they find meaningful.

After decades of helping their children, older people are understandably forced to become dependent on them. "Even if they accept it intellectually, getting help is actually difficult," Dr. Gleason said. "This may signal that you are not needed and people want to feel needed."

She suggests trying to balance the power in relationships, which also allows the parent to provide support, even if they only listen sympathetically to their account. child for her difficult week. "It can be beneficial for relationships not to be one-sided," says Dr. Gleason.

She is also a fan of gradual progress, negotiation, leading to more reciprocal exchange.

As a proof of concept, meet the Abrams family.

Carl Abrams, a 90-year-old Air Force colonel, lives in Williamstown, Georgia, with his wife, Joan, 88. He happily agrees that yes, he's pretty stubborn. "He becomes very angry and oppositional," says his older daughter, Tamar Abrams, 63, who visits twice a month from Folsom Church, Washington

. In 2016, the family worried about him driving. Mr Abrams had knocked down several side mirrors from his Buick, occasionally stepping out of his belt, once asleep at the wheel and holding a truck. It's time to give up the keys, the family said.

After a lengthy altercation, Mr. Abrams agreed to a retest by the state motor vehicle agency – Gambit, which turned into a back. "We were convinced he would fail, but he gave up," his daughter said.

Months passed; his wife refused to ride with him. The family negotiated a series of escalating restrictions: First, Mr Abrams agreed not to drive at night. Then to drive only to familiar places. Finally, to stay five miles from home.

"Sometimes he will blow up," said Tamar Abrams. "But if you give him some time and then come back to the discussion, he'll be OK."

Now, Mr. Abrams relies on a bright red battery powered scooter. "Great compromise," he said. "If it wasn't for the scooter, I would have gone crazy at home."

Twice a week, he walks two miles to dine at Applebee's, where all the servers know his name, and picks up some groceries on the way home .

"If you didn't have to cross a major intersection, it would be a wonderful ritual," said Tamar Abrams. Nobody (except Mr Abrams) feels good about moving through six lanes on his scooter, even at a traffic light.

But she understands. "You hold dear the life of the one you think of you," she said. So, "we held our breath and let him do it."


Source link