But while the show had many peaks, it also had a very deep bottom. The Miz match against Damian Priest Lumberjack turned into a bad advertisement for the movie “Army of the Dead” because the Lumberjacks were … zombies. Like, really. Like everyone pretended to be real, real zombies. It was bad.
But if you miss this parody, it was actually a very good WWE show.
Roman Reigns submits to Cesaro
Roman Reigns defeated Cesaro by submission when he made Cesaro faint with a guillotine. It was a slow, methodical match, similar to the one Reigns had with Daniel Brian in Fastlane. Reigns worked on Cesaro’s hand in the second half of the match and Cesaro did a great job selling it. This made the last section all the more dramatic.
Rating: 4 stars.
After the match, Jay Usso came out in the ring and attacked Cesare. He was interrupted by Seth Rollins – who absolutely overthrew Cesare. Rollins clasped Cesare’s hand in a chair and smashed it into the back. The show ended with Rollins hitting Cesare’s curb and posing in the ring.
Bobby Lashley retains the WWE Championship
The triple-threat match in the WWE was a clash of the Titans in the best way. This game had a bit of psychology, it was just three big guys fighting nonsense for 15 minutes – and it was fun all the time.
It all started with Bobby Lashley and Drew McIntyre, who teamed up with Brown Strawman. Minutes later, as Lashley and McIntyre quarreled outside, Strowman bumped into them with an inverted apron. This was a solid indicator of how the rest of the match would go.
Later, when Brown Strawman was thrown into the ring, Bobby Lashley and Drew McIntyre fought on the ramp. McIntyre threw Lashley through the LED panels on the ramp, and the pyrotechnics went off when Lashley crashed. Strowman then returned and he and McIntyre walked back and forth during the match. This included Strowman power bombing McIntyre through the announcer’s table.
The finale came when McIntyre hit Strowman with Claymore Kick. Before he could take advantage, Lashley hit the ring, threw McIntyre, hit a copy of Strawman for 1-2-3.
Rating: 4 stars. You know how the final will play out as soon as Lashley is taken out, but it was a lot of fun.
Bianca Belair retains the SmackDown Women’s Championship
I will be honest. It was very difficult for me to pay attention to this match after the Lumberjack fiasco that preceded it. Judging by my Twitter show, I’m not the only one.
Bianca Belair retained her title by hooking Bayley with a contraction, with an extra lever by hooking her braid around one of Bayley’s legs. It was a creative ending, but it broke down a bit as Belair gave way to two. Still, it’s fun to see WWE integrate Belair’s braid into its big matches, such as how it beats Sasha Banks with her on WrestleMania.
Rating: It was a long, good match and both women worked hard. I can’t judge him honestly because I was so distracted by how bad the Lumberjack’s game was.
The worst logger match of all time
This Lumberjack match between The Miz and Damian Priest doubled as an advertisement for Batista’s new film, Army of the Dead. The lumberjacks are all the zombies in the movie. Uh.
It starts with the zombies around the ring. The announcer runs away and after a few moments we hear them say that they are now announcing “from a safe place”. Miz and the Priest then fought an awkward, below-average match. At one point, they go outside and fight with the zombies. John Morrison intervened on behalf of The Miz, then fought the zombies outside. Damien Priest then hit his final, Hit The Lights, for the win. Then the zombie crowd The Miz.
I can’t express how stupid that was. It wasn’t fun, like The Firefly Funhouse from last year’s WrestleMania. It was just stupid. Not only bad wrestling, but also bad television.
Rating: 0 stars.
Ray and Dominic Mysterio win SmackDown titles
This was formulated in a bad way. The dirty Dougs – Robert Rudd and Dolph Ziegler – brought Dominic Mysterio to the Kickoff Show, so Ray had to take both in a handicap match. Once the match started, it was obvious where he would go. Ziggler and Roode would gain Ray’s advantage and beat him until Dominic heroically came to his father’s aid. And that’s exactly what happened – and it took an eternity.
Ziggler, Roode and Rey are great and everything they did looked good. There was a great place of glory where Rudd lifted Mysterio up and Ziegler hit the move, and a dirty place where Mysterio tried to commit suicide outside, but Ziggler caught him with a super hit. But it was hard to get interested, because he knew little meaning until Dominic hit the ring.
However, things really got worse when Dominic arrived. Ziggler and Roode got more warmth for both, but then Dominic turned things around with a super kick to Ziggler. Ray was then marked, hit 619 on Roode, marked Dominic and then led Ziggler out. Then Dominic hit Frogslash for the win.
Rating: 2.25 stars.
Rhea Ripley defeats Charlotte and Asuka
I was a little worried about this match. All three women are usually excellent performers, but Ripley’s duel with WrestleMania’s Asuka was a disappointment, and Raw’s last matches were also a bit overwhelming. But don’t worry, it was an exceptional opening match. Rhea Ripley won the match for a triple threat, fixing Asuka after Riptide powerslam.
In fact, there is not much to say about the match. Mostly he followed the triple threat formula, with two women and one woman outside. Each woman entered her brilliance as the match progressed, gaining seats where they dominated the other two. But the action was fresh and smooth, which made it fun to watch from the bell.
The final sequence begins when Asuka and Ripley double Charlotte. Then there was a fun place where Charlotte responded and hit a double Natural Selection, then got a double count when he tried to fix both Asuka and Ripley. The three then had a back-and-forth sequence that culminated with Charlotte on the outside, and Asuka was attached after the Riptida on the inside.
Asuka actually shone the most during the match, which heralded her death.
Rating: 4.25 stars.
Kickoff Show results
Kickoff’s show saw a challenge for the US Open by Sheamus, to which Ricochet responded. Sheamus won the match with a knee blow, but then Ricochet made fun of Sheamus and they got into short fights, which means we will probably see a rematch of Raw tomorrow.